Category Archives: Humor

2016 – Another Odd Year?

My last blog post of 2015, and the first that involves the taking of notes! What’s next? An artist making New Year’s resolutions? Now that seems outlandish, even perverse?  The very notion of it reminds me of a small part of my novel, the part where a love-struck Ben struggles with how he will win over the woman of his dreams. He is so sure that destiny will bind them together – an uncontrollable fate – a certain unity. Then it hits him, the hypocrisy of all his planning, and the gnawing of the supreme irony of it all . . . trying to plan one’s destiny!

As I review these notes all I see are two lists, and partial ones at that. The first one concerns what I’m thankful for over the past year. The other gives you some of my predictions for 2016.

Thank You 2015!

Every moment with my daughters was a precious one. Many of you may think that’s a little exaggerated, but the truth is that since we are about 1,000 kilometers apart, the time we spend together is very little, and so if anything my gratitude is understated.

  • My art. I think the only important about art is the question it ultimately brings, “Is there something invisible about it . . . something much more special and endearing than any of us . . . something timeless and not our own?” Of course the answer is yes, and I will always be so thankful for “the Yes”.
  • My mother and sharing in her triumphs, as she finds ways to find joy and laughter in spite of her aged condition . . . the trials of dementia . . . she seems to live for each day these days. It’s a hard way to live, but this too is precious.
  • Emma. She’s my neighbor’s eight year old granddaughter. She’s also one of the smartest people I know, and so very funny . . . sharp, quick wit. She symbolizes all those who bring a laugh or smile into my life pretty much every day, even on days when that seems near impossible.
  • The sun, simply because it is shining a little brighter through the clouds and my window, as I’m writing these notes. It only gives, seems to ask for nothing in return, though I sometimes wonder about that . . . what it wants from us. Then I do some more art and stop wondering.
  • My many long distance friends . . . and my fans . . . all of you inspire me more than I can ever explain . . . thank you!
  • Love

I could probably keep writing about 2015 until this time next year, but now it’s time for something a little more lighthearted. So pardon me for a minute as I firmly insert my tongue in a cheek (one of my own), and begin:

LG’s Fearless Outlook for 2016

  • Sixto Rodriguez will finally get his music heard more in North America, and his 1970 album “Cold Fact” will become an “instant” success.
  • The UN will establish a new fund to end all poverty and it will be called the “World Trade Foundation”. I encourage you to give them your full support by sending lots of money. Send your check now and be sure to remember to make it out to “WTF”!
  • Apple will launch a new home study math program in West Thumb, WY. It will be named the ePi, despite protests from some crusty old math profs and Don Cherry. Grammar experts shudder at what’s ahead for them, calling the idea of a similar writing app “half-baked”.
  • Manitoba’s first transgender judge’s popularity will show mixed results in the polls.
  • Sarah Palin and Donald Trump will become running mates. However, the announcement will be marred by controversy . . . the pair are caught on camera doing a dine and dash from a Taco Bell in Fairbanks Alaska.
  • People magazine will take off where Playboy fell behind by announcing its new magazine, “Peep Hole”. Things really take off when Marilyn Monroe is named their Person of the Year for 2016.
  • Hillary will veto her first Bill just before the swearing. Closely related, Bill volunteers to give Madonna kissing lessons, but privately.
  • Disney announces its plans to do a movie specifically for future space travelers. It’s a science fiction film about a distant planet. The film is tentatively called, “Earth”.
  • The pope becomes uncomfortable when Jesus returns and immediately highly recommends some redecorating. When the suggestion is made to have Georgia O’Keeffe do something floral with Chapel, Francis smirks, telling Jesus that Georgia is dead.  Jesus just grins.
  • Paul McCartney announces plans to bring The Beatles back together; Ringo sues for being snubbed!
  • Jesus surprises everyone by playing Royal Albert Hall with Ringo Starr and then announces Bono as Pope. Bono goes on tour with Ringo in his back up. In the meantime Francis takes painting lessons.

As you can see, it will be one heck of a busy year! I wish you all the best of the timeless ones in these times . . . “times”? Hmm . . . now where’s my iPi?

 

 

 

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I Need To Cover My Ass

I have some bad news today.

Apparently someone in the government noticed one of pictures on Twitter. It’s the one I call, “Not My Best Side”.

I have been ordered to remove the picture from the internet unless I agree to cover the bare bum on the bottom. At first I thought this must be a joke. I mean where else can I cover a bare bum, but on the bottom?

So I asked why. They said they can appreciate how Dali wanted to paint a picture with a woman’s breasts on her back. However, they told me I am not Dali, nor Spanish, and in Canada – in this day and age – this is simply not permitted. I pleaded to be given the option to simply cover the breasts, but the official said the cloth in the picture would not do that sufficiently, but it appears that there is enough material to cover aforementioned buttocks.

Needless to say, I will be taking this up with the Secretary of the External Affairs. In the meantime, in the spirit of civil disobedience, I am continuing to show “Not My Best Side”, as shown below. Today, more than ever, I could use your support by way of your comments on the form at the bottom.

Art by Lawrence Grodecki

Not My Best Side

By the way, now that it’s well in to April, a belated Happy April Fool’s Day!

Loving and Laughing – the Real Midas Touch?

Yesterday I had the honor of receiving another very kind review of “Dawn at Last”, one written by Fran Gold. Overall, I’ve really happy with the reviews of the book . . . actually overwhelmed by it all, and especially by this one. Here is a quote from Fran’s review:

Mr. Grodecki has accomplished much with this novel. He kept me entertained with a great story, added some humor which I always find to be a must have, some out of the ordinary sex scenes, and art. He writes of “an ongoing, unattainable fantasy” and while I am not sure there is “pure love” out there in this world, he made me hopeful that there could be.

It is most gratifying when you read about your writing and realize that it touched someone in a very nice way. It’s humbling, an amazing feeling on its own. And helping someone laugh, even at the serious stuff, is perhaps the most rewarding of all.

I do believe in the magic of laughter, and it’s special place in the heart of love, and that’s all that needs to be said.

So here is a link to the review, followed by a wonderful video about love and laughter – a tribute to a pair who seemed to make it all look so easy, and natural. I’m not sure why, but it does seem to tie in nicely with the review, though the life story of the couple in this video is very different than my book. Still, in the end, as the man in the video says, “. . . a love story and it’s a good book.”

 

 

PS – I think there may be a touch of Grace in the character of Donna Belauche, though she seems to hide it well!

 

Peter’s Square Route

It’s time today to write something Alice might appreciate in Wonderland. In other words, this won’t be my usual post, nor will it be short, nor very linear for that matter!

The other day I picked up yet another book on Leonardo, a biography of sorts, and I bought it unexpectedly on impulse . . . sort of. I say “sort of” as while it wasn’t a planned purchase, I came across it in a thrift shop on the same day one of my daughters was enjoying her European adventure near the town of Leonardo’s birth.

I’ve been a fan of his since I was a child, long before I understood how mischievous and cunning he was, including some possible double meanings in some of his art?

Anyone who has followed this blog for a long time will probably recognize my fascination with circles and curves – there is a tie-in with Leonardo in this regard too – I’ll come to that in a bit.

It really hit me in a big way, a nice way, almost ten years ago – there are no lines in nature – everything is curved. Such a simple and astounding truth when you think about it. It’s lines that are the illusion.

There is also a lot of history to this illusion, some of it tied to Freemasonry. Their primary symbol shows a compass and an angled L-square along with the letter “G”. Even today there is mention of the question of the “center point” within a circle, and the problem with measuring the circle completely remains unsolved.

I have no intent to mention all the spiritual aspects to the symbol of the circle in so many cultures, ones much closer to nature than today’s western civilization. However, this mysterious spirituality is something I do consider sacred, mainly through experience as well as a great deal of thought and meditation.

While I do take much of this seriously, today I’ll keep it on the lighter side . . . the humor of it all. For example, take that task of measuring the rim of that circle – the circumference. In order to do that, mathematicians try to find a numerical relationship between a line and the circle – the line being the diameter. However, it never works out. Computer models go around the clock using advanced math, taking Pi past a billion decimal points and the clock keeps ticking . . . you can’t measure a circle with a line!

When you understand the futility of that it is really quite funny. After all, if you think you can measure the curves with a line, then the opposite should be true. Ever try measuring the diameter with a protractor? Of course not – just seems silly – and yet they try the opposite, and all in such earnest!

Now back to Leonardo, who some claim was a Freemason. Oddly, there is this symbolism that is prominent in one of his most famous pieces, “The Vitruvian Man”:

Vitruvian Man

 

So there is the circle and the square, but the absence of the letter “G”. I have my own theory on that matter and it concerns a possible “cover up”, which will remain private for now . . . I prefer not to expose all my private parts!

However, I do like to ponder his mischievous ways, and his many questions about religious teachings . . . so I wonder. Is it possible that there are two men depicted in this art? After all, there is a biblical connection. In the gospels there is a frequent reference to two brothers. One is called Simon, whom Jesus often refers to as Peter. The other is Peter, whom Jesus often refers to as Peter.

So there you have it . . . identical twins . . . and on that note, I’ll just stop there, for now, though you may want to “think twice” about the prominence of The School of Athens in the Vatican.

 

 

Something Completely and Wonderfully Different

There is this small outfit that does remarkable videos, some of which have gone viral on Youtube. It’s called Zoochosis and to me it’s absolutely amazing what they are doing.

There is no need for to try to explain what they do – you can easily see that on the first short video (see below).

For some reason I think of my daughters when watching anything from Zoochosis, or perhaps them and the entire young-adult population. There is a lot of crazy out there, much of it pretty disturbing, and I know this sometimes troubles them. Also, so much of the truth of our collective history is well-hidden or sugar-coated, or both?

The messages in Zoochosis productions are stark in contrast . . . some are real eye-openers. Many would find much of their work disturbing or repulsive, yet my hunch is that those same people would probably prefer to bury their head in the sand and pretend some of the issues addressed are not important or even real.

There is usually humor involved, and it’s right up my alley. It’s so much more relevant than anything you will find on mainstream television.

That’s about it for now. The video below is the Zoochosis summary mentioned above. After that I’ve shared a link to one of my favorite videos of theirs . . . really amazing how this is all done mostly on a volunteer basis . . . set the knowledge free!

I Kid You Naughty!

Okay, it’s ten after 12, how can that be? Ever wonder why clocks and math don’t get along? They seem to be out of sync, at least once in awhile. And if every moment is unique isn’t it always once in awhile? Oye, sometimes I think George Carlin has butted in as my muse!

In case you have haven’t noticed, this is my V-Day post.

Sure, it’s all about love and stuff – the stuff being chocolate – the stuff none of you have sent me, even though my home address is on my website. You haven’t even visited it, have you? Where’s the love ya’all? Internet followers, you’ve failed me. Sure, it’s nice to fantasize about naked foreigners stretched on a slab of chocolate, praying for a dousing of champagne. Still, my mailbox is empty – no chocolate surprises – this day sucks!

Even a bag of those marshmallows, the ones sprinkled with coconut, is that too much to ask?

It doesn’t matter that I never sent any of you anything. I’ve liked and shared all those blog posts, tweets and Face Book posts. But I write about love, so you see today is all about me. That’s not quite true . . . it’s also about my mailbox, the one that’s screaming, “Where’s my chocolate surprises?”

Like most people these days, I believe that every day should at least have a little love in it, so Valentine’s is kind of weird in a way? Still, just as George Harrison sings, “While my guitar gently weeps,” my mailbox wails, “Poor Lawrence, so gently drooling.” Given that my mail is only delivered from Monday through Friday, I guess we can discount the weekends . . . still, I’ll be drooling.

Somewhere between Tuesday and Saturday is WTF, and in that spirit, I’ll watch for the late deliveries next week . . . after all, when it comes to chocolate it’s the thought that counts. Eline from Belgium, if you are reading this, know that your thoughts count more!

Finally, once more I’m inspired by a love of truth, so after watching this adorable young lady I’ve decided to let you all off the hook . . . secretly though, the Truth Fairy made me say that . . . guess I’ll have to settle for gumballs?

picture of curves - horizontal

A magic cure for head colds & writer’s block!

If writer’s block is a form of real estate, move over Donald Trump . . . and hello Nirvana!

I’ve read about this block before but have never really experienced it, until recently. Being such a fan of Einstein, I’ll take his advice and think for myself . . . so far I’ve only come up with a 7 step program, take it for what it’s worth!

1. Take drugs, lots of drugs. It seemed to work for Hunter S. Thompson and others more discreet in the golden age of opium . . . hello Confucius, you silly man!

2. I’ve been taking drugs for weeks now, the stuff for stuffy noses . . . no, not cocaine but Neo Citran, the kind that makes you sleepy. I used to write in my dreams but with this stuff my dreams seem to be leading to a blank sheet, except for a little white-off in spots. In other words, take a nap.

3. When you wake up read something erotic, then take some more drugs, then dream, etc.

4. The next time you wake up take a shower. Have something to eat. Then read something erotic, take some more drugs, then dream, etc.

5. If you have properly followed the first 4 steps, eventually you should be able to write anything. In that case just sit down and write anything, review it, print it and chuck it. Then read something erotic, take some drugs, dream, etc.

6. Throw the drugs in the garbage.

7. Write about your childhood, when you were six years old, but make it more erotic than anything you’ve recently read. Go online and find a new editor who takes samples, in order to show you her skills and style. Send her your childhood masterpiece. While waiting for her response, retrieve the garbage from step #6 and repeat steps #1 through 5.

There you have it. This may not work for everyone. It really hasn’t worked for me, but they say practice makes perfect. Then again, I was called perfect years ago. That really threw me off. I quickly realized there was nowhere to go but down, and that makes me drift back to step #4 . . . oye, the life of a struggling writer!

So for now I’ll rest on my laurels. They are currently resting on StoryCartel. It’s a great site for readers, ones looking for fresh material and free books to read. StoryCartel asks you to help the authors by writing book reviews, featuring what you like on blogs, etc.

FYI – that’s a different “etc.” than mentioned in the 7-step program – hopefully!